Check Your Closet

I have Shakira's 'She Wolf' song stuck in my head. Which, considering it's inspirational sticking came from a church sermon is ironic. The preacher was talking about wolves, sheeps and shepherds. John chapter 10 for those of you who feel so inclined. However I became more amused at the contesting ideas that are in my mind. I feel often that being a wolf these days is a good thing. I do love to think I'm inclined to the moons tides and I prounce to the rhythms of the dead of the night. But alas no, big speaker with the uber heaven points is warning us against those that are wolves, for they are vile, exceptionally volatile and enemies to you.

Life, recently, I feel is a mix of fear and foregoing. I seem to spend more time weighing up the brevity of these antagonistic wolves when really I should be valuing the characterists of a kingdom of other animals. Wolves are only wolves to us because we allow them to be wolves. Elementary philosophy (or stupidity, whatever). But why do we determine that they be an animal of significant superiority. I like to imagine myself as a black panther of the kingdom. Not only fierce but always on trend. Black panthers need not fear the terror of the wolves. Yes black panthers have other issues, but wolves? No. Perhaps what came to my attention throughout the sermon was not that wolves are bad but that we are victims of them. Or, we allow ourselves to be victims of them. I see some people and I feel the need to shake them and transfigure them from pigeon to pouncing tiger. Or from ox to owl.

An exceptionally metaphorical tendency on my part, and I do apologise, but if you were to have a She-Wolf in your closet (see: Shakira) would you allow it to be the wolf it wants to be while you be the cowering sheep of fear? What seems to be lacking in our fear of wolves is not a compassion on their part but a fighting spirit on ours. I've had a treacherous few weeks of calamity and causal distress both for pronounced and dramatic reasons. There's been a fire of deadline chasing my sorry behind while a mountain of a to-do list stands yet to be conquered, but I chose not to be the victim and continue on my way, even if exhausted, tired, and at the point where my jokes aren't funny and coffee is not working. I did not let the wolf conquer but rather led it on a chase, at which I am still winning. And my goodness do I get frustrated seeing those who play lame and unfit with their tarrying ways of victimisation. Stop being a sitting duck!

I've foregone many of the distressing issues of late by manner of anxious nature, stress and concern and worrying about things that are not mine to worry for. They are all familiar battles I've endured earlier. However, this time round they're more (dare I say it) grown up. And it's a natural progression, or rite, as one to go through theses things and essentially, amalgamate experience so that it builds character. It was a long time ago now that I stopped feeling harrowed by insidious calamity but rather saw it as opportunities to have myself grow or let myself out of the prescribed personality I'd chosen. I saw the wolf and chose not to give it 'big' and 'bad' as prefixes. I became agile in my actions but also in my hidings. I grew up by dealing with growth itself. I'd like to think my alter-alter-animal is an owl, for the wisdom I have gained through back alleys (of the library) and store fronts (of part time jobs) but perhaps I have a few more years on me yet. I'd also like to think that my Biblically-based revelation (amen) of wolves being mere conjures of our imagination will solve all of my problems but I am wrong. And fiercely so.

I'm currently dogged by the rabid oncoming of exams, near financial disparity and the worst complexion I've had in years. Each a different wolf with much a different set of values, but still a wolf to me. Life is the battle of the wolves against the kingdom of who we are. It's a valley, a desert, a forest or a zoo of anthropomorphic visions of ourselves. Do not be a feral pigeon or an unsightly rabid dog. Pick up your tail and show your teeth, it's a jungle out there and wolves are the least of our problems.