Comm-unity

What defines a community for you? Is it food? Is it a physical commune? Is it a place, a set of people, a family, tradition? Last night I was forced with this question, right in the face. Slammed like a door into my nose, was the bang of community upon my head. I found myself in a place sitting and craving for fellowship and communal activity and conversation. I longed for, desired for, the familiarity of certain people, certain character traits evident in group situations, the highs and lows of multi member events and the fun and laughs that go with it.

I found myself in a social situation yet desperately lonely in a sea of people; amidst smiling faces and chatting laughter I felt despondently saddened and let down by my circumstances. I'd just engaged in one of the most spiritually powerful church services I'd had in a long time, yet despite the filling of the Spirit and the overwhelming presence of God that I felt, my heart still stood calling for a familiar faces. Not just someone I knew, but someone who knew me well.

It's an interesting thing. One can quote, jokingly, that no man is an island, but it's ultimately very true. No man can exist as his own entity upon a vast sea. It's an unforgiving force that will lap at you, break at you, stand on you, and as an island you'll have no one to hear your cries or at least offer empathy. No man, despite his utter defiance can exist of his own accord. We were made as humans to be in organisms with other humans, in circles and situations that at least have the option of a helping hand, a smiling face or a conversation partner. We want to share the stories of our lives, even if they're boring - the train ride to work or the taste of the burger you ate last night. Stripped of our trend, our shine, our attitude, we're desperate people looking around at each other begging for a friend.

Perhaps I deal with this situation in a more confronting manner than most - I have, just recently, removed myself from a community I felt most comfortable in, in the effort of achieving some maturing time, some space to extradite who I had thought I was meant to be into a place that newly defined who I am. Except I never got to fully find out who I am, or any deep eschatological solutions. Sure, I gained a new perspective on my life; on where I was possibly heading and learnt much of my strengths and my weaknesess. But I knew that I lacked, very soulfully and transparently, a communion of voices in my life that supported me, stood by me and stood for me. I actually became sad because of this. Not constantly, not deeply, but there were parts of me that cried out to receive admonition from my friends, from those who assumed roles of family, from people in my life: from community.

I did, most certainly, search for such beauty of characters in many places. And, came out empty handed but not without a few scars. The something so enigmatic about community seems to make it that much harder to find. That much harder to dig in and retrieve and hold onto; knowing that there are others holding onto the same thing as you with same purpose and passion. I found myself in some interesting ruts of life, caught in the tension of a desperate want but a telling no from the heart. I could see myself in places with certain people in my life, and sure, by public viewing that would define community, but by personal survey it would define disparity. I became a lost soul in search of a surface to rest. But the more I tried the more tired I became.

Until last week.

Last week I returned to the place where it all started. To the very place I sought to leave to 'find' myself; and yet on return I ended up finding myself back there all along. A place to rest. To realise. And to respect. Respect the surroundings of voices, characters, stories and smiling faces that welcomed me and ushered me back into a place where godly stewardship of new creation was taking place. Community. It's not the thing that is most glamorous and beautiful, where the bright lights shine and the big city puts on fireworks every night. It's the place where your heart can skip a beat, where you soul can skip to sleep, where you feel rested yet in full glory of who you've been made to be. Where the ins and outs of who you are are both appreciated and abhorred,but in a manner that says 'we know, but we still care'. It's the place where you can come running in, emotionally tumultuous or mindfully silent and still be accepted and rejoiced when seen. The place where standing within those around you, you feel safe and secure. You can make bad jokes and still get laughs, plead for stupid things and perhaps even get some sympathy, or merely leave the entire decision of what to order at a restaurant up to others and still know that you're gonna get something you'll love.

What is your community? Where is your home? How would you define rest within others? It's a palpable issue that defines who we are - don't shrug, or read ignorantly. There is a need within all of us to crave people around us to show and give love. A formulaic dependency on the heart that says one is not enough, that a gathering of similar hearts and minds create a picture of beauty in commune and care. Think of a meal shared with friends, the passing of the plates, the conversation, the busy chatter of voices in echo and abundance of joy. The community from shared experience and understanding. Of in jokes and laughter - but most importantly, of the understanding of one another within contexts.

I realised recently just how privileged I was to be surrounded by people that not only understood my bright side, but my flawed side. My disparate tendencies to err in character, my longing for affirmation, despising of patronising physical touch, and constant appreciation for familial understanding. From where else could I receive such perfect understanding, withstanding, and personified kinship? I am an extremely lucky and blessed girl to be in a place in my life where I can turn to others, quite literally and cry out that I just want "to be with people I love and know". That all I want is a friend, and yet, despite my request, I'm surrounded by many of them.

My night came to end at a Denny's dinner table in conversation with a friend. I spoke about returning to my previous community and he asked, "are you homesick?". And the answer is yes. I'm craving my home of brothers and sisters, friends and frenemies, of those I know well and are yet to know well. Of the old but the loved, of the usual and the unusual. I'm craving my home. I'm craving my community.

Perhaps instead of constantly searching for greener pastures, one should inspect the field you're in. Take in all that is yours to understand and all that is understood about you. A community is an element of holy gathering in fellowship, appreciation and loved understanding of one another. A place where flaws are celebrated and personalities left shining. It's neither a religious effort nor is it stripped of spiritual significance either. Your community exists both physically but metaphorically. Never doubt it's power, or it's ability to define and re-define. Treat it with respect, care, and proof of it's ability. Community is a beautiful, beautiful thing because it speaks into every one one of us. Into every soul and heart that beats at a drum set for togetherness. We are humans born into a world of many because we were meant to live like that. Within many, achieving life together. Know strength in character, and know it even better within other characters. Life is a rollercoaster, but it comes with many different seats so that you, and your community can ride it together. Ducking and diving at same speed and height, screaming and yelling and scared but knowing that you're doing it together. You're doing life, in community.

Perhaps most deliberate about community is the decision to enjoy it authentically. There is no greater frustration than a group of people together for the sake of it, no inherent reason or appreciation for the souls surrounding them, but rather the bodies creating a physical presence. There is something to be said for beautiful community, but there is also something to be distinguished between that and a mere gathering of people. Community is a tried and true effect, not a tried and re-tried and constantly tried effect of togetherness. As I said earlier, despite my presence within a sea of people, I still managed to feel alone. I was without connection, despite the connections around me. This was not my community. Perhaps if I stayed for long enough, fought hard enough, and stood my ground it would be - but what is there to gain from a fighting place of love? For what more could I receive over time by fighting to be appreciated? The glory of communal acceptance is that out of the abundance of hearts it flows. It's neither a pushed perception but an ergo'd conclusion. From it you receive peace, joy and a beautiful glorification of each other in a manner that is meek, humbled and human.

Community. Once again, I re-iterate, is a beautiful, beautiful thing. It encompasses highs and lows, authentic and deliberate encounters and calls to live lives for purposes beyond each other. Jesus enjoyed community the very night before he died, the anniversaries of people's lives are celebrated together with others, big occasions are marked with people in celebration because there is something, something about togetherness. Something so truthful about our desperate souls reaching out to others to create what is an enigmatic deliverance of home.

Community.